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Our Recovery Rebirth Podcast starts off with an unrehearsed, impromptu, and comedic commercial for Ice Mountain sparkling water. Next time, Ice Mountain from BlueTriton Brands, had best pay us for such an endorsement. But seriously though, we have a great episode about the challenges of unworthiness.
Struggling with self-worth is a common denominator for many people in recovery. We often come from chaotic homes where parents weren’t able to provide the kind of love and support we craved. It was often due to the emotional deficits experienced in their childhoods, they couldn’t give us what they didn’t have. As children we can’t discern that our caretakers’ inability to provide these fundamental building blocks for self-esteem isn’t due to a deficiency on our part. The result is our self-esteem is tenuous and we become insecure adults seeking the support and security we lacked in our childhood. We often seek this validation from people ill-equipped to provide it, thereby reinforcing the false narrative of our youth that we are somehow unworthy.
Jillian highlights her struggle with feelings of unworthiness rooted in her mother’s abandonment when she was a young girl. As an adult, she developed traits of seeking validation from others (usually romantic partners) which yielded the same outcomes over and over: heartbreak, disappointment and frustration.
Dominick shares his experience with the proverbial inner critic. While his parents divorced when he was young, he received a lot of love and support from his parents and step-mom. He was a precocious kid dealing with adult problems who was picked on by his peers. This resulted in conflicting feelings of worthiness.
We discuss tactics to break out of the loop of self-criticism and shame. Shifting gears mentally and walks in nature are some ways we interrupt negative thought patterns when we feel stuck.
Through recovery, we learn that we are fundamentally worthy. We also experience unconditional love from our Higher Power and fellow travelers as we learn to love ourselves. We can quiet our inner critics and learn to be our own cheerleaders. If we trust the process, we gradually heal and come to believe in our inherent worthiness.
Some resources discussed in this episode are Brené Brown, well-known shame researcher and Kristin Neff who is one of the world’s leading experts on self-compassion. Links to their sites below:
Brene Brown, Self help guru and inspirational speaker.
Dr. Kristin Neff – Self Compassion.
